Hey, “Bachelor” fans, we’re almost to the finish line. It’s time for the hometown dates — and all the utter nonsense that entails. …

But first, another shower scene — just in case you forgot what Colton’s glistening pecs looked like. … OK, enough of that.

Now, it’s on to Fredericksburg, Virginia, home of Caelynn. It’s a “super-cute town” and one that apparently has yet to be introduced to Uber because she and Colton are touring the place aboard a horse-drawn carriage. Old school. No app.

Once they arrive at her home, there’s immediately an ominous sign: A LOT of people are here for a barbecue. How many? Hard to tell, but maybe more than were at the Last Supper. Not good.

Anyway, Caelynn’s sister is “skeptical” of this whole thing and her dad wonders: “Why can’t you just be friends?” What? Are they actually questioning the fail-proof system of TV dating?

In Fredericksburg, Colton begins a trend of asking the fathers for their permission to take their daughters’ hand in matrimony — if things get that far. How adorable. And again, old school — especially in an era of untraditional microwavable relationships. (We’ll explain that one later).

After Fredericksburg, Colton’s road show continues in Birmingham, Alabama, where Hannah wants Colton to turn into a proper Southern Gentleman by taking an etiquette class. Why? Because the ability to walk across a room with a book on your head is a sure sign that you’re ready for marriage. (Maybe this is why the South lost the war).

Again, there are way too many people at Hannah’s place. Everyone, it seems, wants some camera time. The ladies ask Hannah if she’s scared that Colton’s a virgin — especially with Fantasy Suite time approaching. (Will he need an instruction manual?).

“No,” she says. And later, she delivers one of the best lines we’ve heard this season:

“I don’t want to be a coin toss at the end of this.” Pure poetry.

Colton again asks Papa to give his blessing and Pops says “that blows me away a little bit” before adding that he’d be happy to give it if things get that far. Hannah’s dad is easy.

Now, it’s off to Southern California, where Colton hooks up with Tayshia in Santa Ana. There, she immediately blindfolds him (No, this isn’t the Bird Box challenge) and whisks him off to an airport to do a little sky-diving. It’s a way for the lovebirds to show they truly trust one another, Tayshia says.

But Colton looks absolutely terrified and can you blame him? He doesn’t want to die before having sex.

Have no fear. He and Tayshia take the plunge and, indeed, they survive — apparently without soiling themselves. That’s good, because dinner awaits them at Tayshia’s house, where only four family members are lurking. (Nice. Much more manageable).

But one of the four is Tayshia’s dad, who is in “protective mode,” due to the fact that Tayshia has already seen one marriage fail. Papa Bear doesn’t want his girl to get hurt again. Compared to the other dads, this dude is a regular Perry mason — fast-balling questions at Colton, who maybe should have taken the Fifth. The basic message? Don’t lead my daughter on, or I will bust you up.

When Colton does the ask-for-the-blessing thing, Pops looks at him like he’s bonkers.

“I just met you,” he says. … Wait! How did someone with such wisdom and logic make it onto this show?!

Later, Dad talks with Tayshia and again expresses skepticism that she can find love on a whirlwind TV show.

“You don’t microwave relationships,” he says, again coming off way too smart for this show. But Tayshia works him, saying that he has to trust her and that Colton “is a light for me after all the hurt I’ve had.”

Bing! Apparently, dads can be microwaved because Mr. Tayshia immediately relents and tells Colton that he says he’s content to say “yes” at this point. … Damn, we had such high hopes for this father!

OK, last but not least is Cassie, our lovely Walnut Creek girl who has relocated to Huntington Beach. So instead of hiking Mount Diablo, they’re going surfing, and Colton absolutely sucks at it. Could this be a harbinger of bad vibes? Cassie, after all, is the only remaining woman who has yet to say she’s in love with the Bachelor.

“I know how I feel, but I want to be sure,” she says.

Cassie hopes that, maybe, connecting with her family will bring more clarity. But her dad has a rather testy exchange with her: “He’s still dating three other girls,” he grouses, sounding very dad-like. “You don’t have to rush into anything … You’re not buying a car …” Blah. Blah. Blah.

And in the end, Pops doesn’t give Colton his blessing (“That would be premature”) and Cassie doesn’t utter the “L word.”

Poor Colton. He admits that he’s more confused than ever.

So does this mean Cassie will be the one getting dumped when everyone (including Chris Harrison!) regroups in Los Angeles? Nope. Cassie gets a rose! And so does Tayshia and Hannah. That means, a heartbroken Caelynn is this week’s reject and she can’t believe it.

“I saw us at the end,” she tells Colton, fighting back tears. “… I feel like an idiot.”

Do you smell something burning? Bing. It’s another microwaved relationship gone bad.