Am I In Love? 20 Signs It's More Than Just A Crush - Women's Health

Am I in love?? Well, if you've gotta ask, then congrats, you're def feeling something, maybe even something big. But feelings are complicated. How do you know if those butterflies are the real deal or just a crush?

"A crush is often an idealized, fantasy-like version of someone," says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a New York-based relationship therapist and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating. Love is more than that. (See also: How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?)

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BUT WHAT *IS* LOVE? Here, experts answer the question that has consumed poets, scientists, and everyday humans since the dawn of time. Keep reading for 20 signs you might be in love:

1. Your feelings don't fade

One sign that this is more than a crush: "Your feelings don't dissipate over time but get stronger and deeper," says Irina Firstein, LCSW. So basically, if you've been feeling this way about your special person for a looong time, it's definitely possible that you're in love.

2. You give them your full attention

If you love somebody, odds are you give them your undivided attention, says Sadie Allison, PhD, a sex educator and founder of GoLove CBD lube. You shouldn't find it hard to stay in the conversation or keep eye contact.

3. You talk about everything when you're together

It's easy to brush aside the deeper stuff when you've only got a crush on that certain someone. But when it comes to love? Those conversations can be deep, explains Allison. "You're interested in knowing what makes them tick, their dreams and passions, their background, family, and upbringing." (Related: Take This Couples Quiz To See How Well You Know Your Partner)

4. It's easy to make plans

If you're in love with somebody, thinking about a future with them comes naturally. "It feels easier to plan ahead," says Allison. They become inextricably involved in your life whether you mean for them to be or not.

5. You're open with each other

ICYMI, trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you find yourself opening up with this person and sharing more parts of yourself than you normally would, it's a sign that you might be in love, says Allison.

6. You've lost interest in dating others

Being in love means you may lose interest in dating other people. "You're starting to find your other former 'backup' crushes less alluring," says Allison. So yeah, if you've only got eyes for your bae, your feelings may be deeper than just a crush.

7. Even chores are super fun

You know how things like grocery shopping or stopping for gas are super interesting when you're with your S.O.? Yeah, well, that's a sign of being in love. "You like doing simple things together: running errands, going for a run, cooking dinner," explains Allison. "Their company alone is enough to make the time enjoyable." Awww.

8. You want to introduce them to your fam

If you've been dying to introduce this person to your family, it's clear that you've got more than just a little crush, says Allison. Feeling comfortable having them around your parents, family members, and friends is seriously a major step, especially if you're keen on inviting them to holidays. "You don’t want important moments to pass without them involved," Allison explains.

9. Helping them is a priority for you

"If you're interested in helping with everyday life situations like obliging a request for feedback on their resume or partnering up on a volunteer project together, then you're clearly connecting beyond the realm of just chemistry," says Carmichael. So while that initial spark is important, you've gotta want to be more involved, too.

10. Consistency is key

Building true romantic chemistry takes lots of time, says Carmichael. "In the long run, most people find that true, lasting chemistry is created through having a partner who continually shows up in a loving way. It's less exciting on the surface because it feels predictable and safe," she explains. But in the long run, these kinds of slow-paced feelings lead to fireworks later, like marriage proposals and creating lifelong dreams as a couple.

11. There's no playing 'hard to get'

"You don't feel safe enough to invest in a crush or hook-up," explains Allison. "These relationships tend to be more about playing 'hard to get' and less about a real, raw connection." Totally done with the games? Then you might just be in love.

12. The sexual attraction is real

Obviously, you're going to be attracted to your S.O. "Sexual connection is important in any long-term relationship, as it’s a vehicle for a powerful kind of intimacy," says Allison. Of course you're always going to have off periods that impact your sex drive, but in general, you'll always be attracted to each other if you're in love.

13. But sex isn't everything

It's also a sign of love if you've waited to get physical. "For many people, waiting to have sex is an important way to get to know a partner without the added dynamics that sex can often bring," explains Allison. "Sex can confuse emotions and introducing it too early can harm the potential for intimacy." So if you've waited to have sex, maybe it's a sign that you're more invested in the deeper stuff.

14. You know what love means to each other

The word loooove means different things to different people, and it's never fair to assume that you know what it means to your partner, too. If you've opened up and talked about how feelings of love and "seriousness" are defined for each of you, then it's a sign that you could be in deep, says Allison.

15. You want to be together all the time

Generally speaking, you should want to be around the person you're in love with. "You want to be with them more and get to know them better," says Firstein. Crushes fade and you may get bored after spending time with the same person, but with love, you're never disinterested.

16. You've got the same sexual interests

If you've got certain things that turn you on (*raises hand*), it's hard to kick them to the curb even if *your person* isn't game. That's why having similar sexual interests is so important, says Allison. "If sexual attraction and compatibility are a top priority for you, sexual chemistry is an important part of determining your partner's viability," she explains.

17. A disagreement doesn't destroy your 'ship

As Carmichael said, crushes are typically an idealistic perception of a person, not how they are IRL. Love gets real, and that means there will be some tough times, too. Your partner might annoy you. You might annoy your partner. But you'll make it through. "You feel a sense of commitment even in times of disagreement," Carmichael says.

18. You care about their interests

Picture this: You've never tried surfing, but your partner is a huge fan, so naturally you've agreed to give it a shot. If you're learning about their interests even though it may not necessarily pertain to you, Carmichael says you may be in love. Surf's up.

19. You're not on an emotional rollercoaster

"Many people mistake the physiological rollercoaster of a person who plays hot-and-cold with their emotions or availability as 'chemistry,'" says Carmichael. "For example, if someone goes MIA on you for two days and then suddenly calls, you'll probably feel a strong rush of emotions. Many people will confuse that flood of adrenaline and 'body rev' with romantic chemistry." But a slow, deep burn is the real kind of love you're looking for.

20. You don't feel bad if one of you isn't in the mood

A normal sexual relationship comes with its ups and downs. Sometimes one of you will be in the mood for sex when one isn't (and vice versa). But that's okay! "It's fine to have your sexual attraction ebb and flow—that's part of life, and a mature relationship will provide plenty of connection even if one or both of you isn't feeling in the mood at any particular moment," says Carmichael.

Madeline Howard Madeline Howard is a New York-based writer with a love for all beauty, sex and book-related content.

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