A running group crush - The Boston Globe

This letter writer can’t run away from the feelings

Love Letters

Q. Last September, I met someone at my running group. We hit it off quickly and became fast friends.

Within a couple of months, we began texting each other almost daily and seeing each other once or twice a week, sometimes with our friends from our running group and sometimes just us two.

Since then, we have become much closer, and in that process I have developed feelings for her. Sometimes I get the feeling there is something more there and the feelings are mutual. Other times I wonder if I have been friend-zoned.

I want to tell her how I feel, but I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for our mutual friends or ruin our friendship in the process. What do you think?

RUNNING

A. Here’s the thing about “not ruining the friendship”: The relationship is going to have to change no matter what.

If you tell this woman you have a crush on her and she backs away, it doesn’t mean you’ve ruined anything. All it means is that the friendship will evolve into something new.

If she’s not open to dating, maybe you shouldn’t be texting each other every day and anticipating so much time together. If you find out that this is never going to happen, you might save some of your free hours for first dates with others.

There’s a respectful, honest way of saying, “Hey, sometimes I wish these were dates … because I find you very attractive and I see potential for more. What do you think? I can take an honest response.” Then do a sexy little smile, like George Clooney does in that movie where he’s falling in love with Michelle Pfeiffer and they’re both single parents (I know that’s specific, but he really nails that confident half-grin).

If she says she sees you only as a friend, tell her that’s OK. Say you hope it doesn’t make anything awkward, and that you appreciate honesty — which is part of good friendship.

Maybe the cadence of communication changes, but again, it’s all good.

It’s possible there will be kissing.

Only one way to find out.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

Many people don’t want to ruin their fantasy by clarifying that the friendship is not going to advance … you want to stay on deck in perpetual twitterpation.

AUNTTIGGYWINK

You’ll only make it uncomfortable and ruin the friendship if you get rejected and can’t carry on like a normal human being. Another way to have things go that way would be for you to “tell her how you feel” in some overwrought middle school way. But hey, she already likes you enough to be texting all the time and hanging out in groups and alone. Just make a non-creepy move that doesn’t involve a marriage proposal or mention of making babies together and you should be fine.

THE-BLOG-CONSIGLIERIE

A friend of mine developed feelings for a woman who was his hiking buddy. After a few years, he actually told her he was interested. She said she was open to going on a date, which they did, and then she decided she wasn’t interested. They are still hiking buddies to this day. Their friendship didn’t get ruined, she didn’t think ill of him, he wasn’t angry or sulky. It was what it was. There are ways to talk about this stuff without seeming too intense: “Hey, we seem to enjoy each other’s company and we hang out a lot, let’s go on a date, my treat. What? OK, no worries at all. I think you’re great so thought I’d ask.” Don’t make it seem like a big deal and move on. If she’s interested, bonus for you — and remember, you’re just getting to know her, not planning your wedding.

JSMUS

Is there physical chemistry? I had a crush on a guy for the longest time, and we would see each other a couple of times a week, but then it occurred to me there was zero physical chemistry. It was a funny revelation to have. Anyway, for sure go for it. If it doesn’t work out, your head will at least be more open to other potential romantic opportunities.

CURLYHAIRDONTCARE

You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Ask her on a date. Confidence is attractive. Being timid about it isn’t.

PENSEUSE

Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com or fill out this form. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.

Adblock test (Why?)

https://news.google.com/rss/articles/CBMiRWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LmJvc3Rvbmdsb2JlLmNvbS8yMDI0LzA1LzIzL2xpZmVzdHlsZS9ydW5uaW5nLWdyb3VwLWNydXNoL9IBAA?oc=5

2024-05-23 15:24:38Z

Bagikan Berita Ini