A Psychologist Gives 2 Tips To Ace The ‘Love-Laughter Principle’ - Forbes

Humor plays an important role in every stage of a romantic relationship, from its inception to its continued, successful maintenance. Individuals tend to display or appreciate humorous traits to signal their attraction and interest when they first start seeing someone.

For instance, women tend to showcase their humorous side on first dates, whereas men tend to value partners who respond positively to their brand of humor.

A 2023 study also found that humor increases the quality and commitment in a relationship and contributes to its longevity by signaling one’s continued interest in a partner.

Here are two healthy ways to play with humor and enrich your relationship further.

1. Be Intentional With Your Style Of Humor

Not all styles of humor are created equal. Researchers differentiate between the following types of humor, highlighting that benign and injurious humor affect relationships differently.

• Affiliative humor. A benign type of humor that is used to strengthen social bonds and involves sharing lighthearted, positive jokes or friendly banter that promotes warmth, inclusivity and camaraderie within social interactions rather than creating divisions. Affiliative humor is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction, closeness and better problem resolution.
• Self-enhancing humor. Another benign humor style that allows individuals to maintain a humorous perspective on life experiences and cope with stress or adversity by finding amusement in their own flaws, mistakes or life events, ultimately enhancing their self-esteem and well-being.
• Aggressive humor. An injurious form of humor that aims to assert dominance or power over others through ridicule or offensive remarks, belittling someone else’s feelings, beliefs or characteristics or even “cloutlighting” them, often causing discomfort and harm to the target. Aggressive humor is associated with lower relationship satisfaction.
• Self-defeating humor. An injurious form of humor where individuals use themselves as the target of jokes or ridicule, making fun of their own flaws and insecurities. This is often a maladaptive coping mechanism that reinforces negative self-perceptions and undermines self-confidence if used excessively and can be difficult for a partner to navigate. The daily use of self-defeating humor is also linked to lower relationship satisfaction.

Research shows benign humor styles leave a more positive impression on others and injurious humor has the opposite effect. In relationships, it is crucial to use humor in ways that do not undermine the seriousness of important conversations or belittle a partner's feelings. Sarcasm or passive-aggressive humor can exacerbate conflicts instead of resolving them. Using more benign humor can help your dynamic while injurious humor might hurt it irreparably.

Remember, the key is to be attuned to each other's sense of humor, boundaries and sensitivities, while reassuring a partner of your love. Ask each other what you are comfortable with and learn what the other likes. Not everything that is funny to one person is funny to another, so mutual understanding and respect are essential.

2. Create Opportunities For Shared Laughter

A 2021 study found that humor allows couples to share their joy, helping them resolve conflict and find forgiveness in difficult moments. Even reminiscing about times where couples have shared laughter is associated with greater relationship satisfaction.

Here are several ways to cultivate moments of shared laughter:

• Watch comedy together. Pick a favorite comedy movie, stand-up special or sitcom you both enjoy or watch live comedy together.
• Engage in playful activities. Adults benefit from a sense of play as much as children do. Board games, card games, video games or lighthearted activities such as playing mini-golf or going to a trampoline park can elicit a harmless, competitive spirit mixed with playful banter and a shared memory to fall back on in difficult or mundane moments.
• Share funny stories. Recall and share humorous anecdotes from your past experiences. Amusing stories build connection while offering a deeper glimpse into each other's lives and personalities.
• Use humor in daily interactions. Infuse humor into everyday conversations. Create a mutual space where you can playfully tease each other without crossing boundaries or causing harm. Share funny observations about your surroundings or inside jokes that only the two of you understand. This creates intimacy throughout the day, even when you're apart.

Conclusion

Humor can deepen connections and bring enduring joy. It not only sparks initial attractions but strengthens a bond over time. Taking the time to find moments of lightness everyday is a worthy pursuit for the health of a relationship and being intentional, playful and respectful in one’s use of humor allows love to thrive.

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2023-11-17 18:30:28Z

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