'Love Is Blind': AD Smith on Clay, Matthew, and Being Single - Vulture

Photo: Netflix

There are many moments when you want to shake a woman by her shoulders and scream, “RUN!” Like in real life, when your sweet friend is telling you about her boyfriend and all you hear is a myriad of red flags. That also rings true on reality television, especially in Netflix’s blind speed-dating show, Love Is Blind, where all manner of troubled men seduce and embarrass a woman beloved by the viewing audience. In season six, it happened to AD Smith.

A 32-year-old former New England Patriots cheerleader, Smith was the most levelheaded and sane person this season, a combination that instantly made her a fan favorite. She was beautiful, calm, charming, and a loyal friend; you had no choice but to wonder why she would be on the show in the first place. Not only was Smith the type of person you could imagine knowing and liking, but, above all, she seemed like the type of person who would already be in a healthy relationship. But, as we learned more about Smith during the season, it became clear this was not her track record!

Smith fell for Clay Gravesande, a man who was extremely beautiful but also extremely confused. Throughout the season, Gravesande could not stop letting Smith know that he was scared of committing to a woman because of his past — his father was a serial cheater, and Gravesande was a former athlete who never learned how to take relationships seriously. Now that Gravesande was in a serious relationship and facing marriage with Smith, he expressed his fear of cheating in a way I had never seen — as if it was infidelity was a genetic condition that sneaks up on you, and not an active choice you make.

Many, myself included, were frustrated by Smith’s gentle understanding of Gravesande’s shortcomings. “I’m not a person who harbors negative emotions or holds grudges,” she told Vulture. Still, Gravesande’s constant fear felt almost like a warning, a bad omen that he would do something devastating — and ultimately, he did. Gravesande didn’t just leave Smith at the altar, which was bad enough, but he assumed they’d continue dating after he humiliated her in front of her loved ones. While it’s not an unprecedented move on that show, it’s undoubtedly a rotten one. Smith was clear she would not continue a relationship with him without that commitment. Gravesande learned a lot about himself throughout the process, but Smith refused to become a man’s lesson. In her conversation with Vulture, she talks about making peace with Gravesande and where her love life is now.

You were the person this season everyone was most emotionally invested in. How did that feel for you?
It’s twofold. I feel bad that everyone was crying and really felt empathetic for my situation. But it was also really cool to see people rally around me and send me all the love. It is a tough watch. It’s hard to watch that roller coaster. I’m sorry that I made everyone cry.

I don’t think it was you that made everyone cry. 
[Laughs]

I want to ask about Matthew. You didn’t date Clay afterward because he didn’t deserve a second chance for messing up like that. It seems like Matthew was dishonest. What made you change your mind? Had you seen the show when you went on those two dates?
I saw the show with the rest of the world a month ago. I went on those dates a few weeks after my wedding. Again, the first one was just an apology from him to clear the air, and so there was no bad blood. Just to make sure I understood where he was coming from and that he wanted the best for me. The second one was just to see what he is like outside of the pods and outside of apologies. I got my answer. And that was that.

Was he forthright about how he acted in the pods? Was it surprising to see how it played out on the show versus meeting him in real life?
It was surprising to see it. I trusted Amber and knew that what he was saying were definitely the same words [he was saying to me]. But sitting there watching it was definitely a shock because I relived that moment he said those words to me. And I was like, whoa! But he was honest about it, and his intentions, from what he told me, were pure. He just wanted to be loved.

There was a whole thing about Jimmy seeing you in real life and being like whoa! And, recently, he said in interviews that he expressed interest in you, and there was a vibe. What’s that all about?
Girl … you’re going to have to call Jimmy! I don’t know! Jimmy and I are friends. I love and respect Chelsea so much, and I adore Jimmy as someone I went through the experiment with. He’s just a close friend and nothing more.

So there’s no vibe for you?
In what way? Not in a romantic way. A vibe like he’s just a cool guy, but not in a romantic way!

Watching your relationship with Clay, it seems like he was setting you up for this big disappointment. Looking back now, was it surprising he fumbled at the altar?
Not fumbled. [Laughs] You’re funny. I wouldn’t say that he “fumbled” it. I think the show shows a lot of his hesitation and fear. However, there was another side of the coin telling me he wanted to fight for it and that he wanted to keep moving forward. So I was shocked when we got to the altar, because I figured we had committed to each other for the long run. So when we got there and the answer didn’t match what I was expecting, it was very shocking actually.

Between you guys, how did he show you that assurance during this process at the same time as he was communicating that he was scared of cheating so much?
We had a lot of real, raw moments. A lot of it wasn’t on-camera, so it’s hard to explain an intimate, deep conversation you’re having with your fiancé. But, all in all, when we did have a moment to get on the same page, he would just reiterate that this was important, that it was something he wanted to do, that he loved me, and that I could trust him. Those were moments we had offscreen that I really trusted.

What do you think of the regret he seems to be expressing now?
I don’t know. Hindsight is 20/20. When you work on yourself and have personal growth, I think it triggers things in your brain like, What if? What could this be? I’m not quite sure how I feel about it because, again, he was my fiancé and someone I loved, so I never want to mock him or how he’s feeling. I think he’s entitled to go through that process, and we’ll see where it leads.

Based on the reunion alone, it doesn’t seem like you have too much anger toward him. How did you let that go?
I did have a lot of love for him. I’m not a person who harbors negative emotions or holds grudges. I took it upon myself to do my own personal growth and healing. I am currently still in therapy; I have my family and a large support system. I also just realized that we are both humans in an experiment that didn’t turn out ideally for either of us. I just lead with grace and love.

What has it been like for you since that ending? People are posting on the internet that you guys spent Thanksgiving together. What makes you want to stay in contact with him?
Clay has an amazing family. They’re so fun. You guys saw his mom and how well we connected with each other. His siblings are amazing; we all get along. It was just a good time to be around some family. I don’t really have a lot of family here in North Carolina. When I heard his mom was in town, it was a great opportunity. I hadn’t seen her since the wedding! I stopped by, had some food, we played some games, and I left. That was literally it.

Are you guys friendly now?
We are friendly now.

He still harbors a hope for reconciliation, but you don’t. What’s that like being friendly when there’s a desire you don’t have that he does?
It’s not difficult. We don’t spend days and nights together. He’s going through his process; I’m going through mine. If he calls me, I pick up. If he texts, I text back.

Maybe because you’re so understanding, people are wondering if you would go back to him. Where do you stand now?
In the beginning, it was easier to be like: What if, should I try? But those were just thoughts that came and passed. With healing and time, you really grow out of certain situations, and now I still stand by what I said. I don’t want to go back to being a girlfriend or forever fiancé. It doesn’t make sense for me to go backward.

What’s your love life now?
I am currently very much single. I’m enjoying it; I’m dating casually. Nothing too serious. I’m enjoying this independence and this ride, and I think I’m at such a great point in my life where I just want to focus on that right now. I’m open to the possibility of something real, but I’m not actively looking for it.

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2024-03-19 21:19:53Z

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